like a warlord (12:40:53 PM): http://www.dagonbytes.com
like a warlord (12:41:00 PM): i dont have afternoon class today
Mr Powerbeef (12:41:11 PM): that's good
like a warlord (12:42:11 PM): this si the shittiest site ever
Mr Powerbeef (12:42:19 PM): did you know that John Astin is Sean Astin's father
Mr Powerbeef (12:42:44 PM): I just found that out recently
Mr Powerbeef (12:42:57 PM): this is the most irritating site in the world
like a warlord (12:43:14 PM): wow i had no idea
like a warlord (12:43:20 PM): seriously, though, this thing sucks
Mr Powerbeef (12:43:35 PM): yes
Mr Powerbeef (12:43:37 PM): it does
like a warlord (12:43:41 PM): check out the graveyard thing
like a warlord (12:43:43 PM): its hillarious
Mr Powerbeef (12:43:46 PM): okay
like a warlord (12:44:15 PM): and notice, in the one monument, he used photoshop to put his name on the big cross
like a warlord (12:45:22 PM): he doesnt even have bachelors grove, either
Mr Powerbeef (12:45:43 PM): what an idiot
Mr Powerbeef (12:45:55 PM): this site sucks
like a warlord (12:46:07 PM): you have to watch so many g damn flash animations
like a warlord (12:46:13 PM): and he says he has a gallery of lost souls
like a warlord (12:47:28 PM): One, Two, Three, Four
(Strange howl, then laughter.)
I'm on the air.
(Giggle. Throat clearing? Pause)
My, my, where do I start? Such a long, long time . .....
like a warlord (12:48:13 PM): . .. As far back as I can remember
(or want to.)
is somewhere around the first Millenium.
I do remember being old then,
and I was already a Dark Brother in the family of the undead.
Maybe I can't recall it
because there was so much pain associated with those fading first memories.
One of those first memories was actually working in a traveling minstrel show,
As an acrobat or magician of some sort,
Ouch!
Which seems pretty silly considering that it was my chosen profession,
Out of fear.
Mr Powerbeef (12:49:13 PM): nope that's not retarded
like a warlord (12:49:39 PM): and he claims to have been bruned at the stake
Mr Powerbeef (12:50:21 PM): well he probably was
like a warlord (12:50:31 PM): but holy crap, the picture of him at the pc workstation with the cat on the floor
Mr Powerbeef (12:50:32 PM): maybe, if we're lucky, he was just foreshadowing
like a warlord (12:50:34 PM): is hilarious
like a warlord (12:51:01 PM): and the fact that the guy who transcribed these comments insinuates that he thinks dagon might be a ghost
like a warlord (12:51:16 PM): or at least has supernatural powers
Mr Powerbeef (12:51:37 PM): that's funny too
like a warlord (12:52:49 PM): his interview with john astin is funny, too, because its all profound and about poe and shit
like a warlord (12:52:55 PM): no questions about
like a warlord (12:53:21 PM): how did that guy get the role of "thing?" did he just have a really good looking hand?
Mr Powerbeef (12:53:46 PM): hahaha, that would have been a good one
Mr Powerbeef (12:54:01 PM): well
Mr Powerbeef (12:54:14 PM): my blog is doing the same thing it was yesterday too
like a warlord (12:54:17 PM): This article was just a small sliver of the conversation I had with Mr. Astin about Poe. We also touched on many more topics: Magic, Night Gallery, Night Court, Evil Roy Slade, Batman, Ethics, and of course The Addams Family.
Mr Powerbeef (12:55:15 PM): it should have been, and of course, Sean Astin
like a warlord (12:55:30 PM): hahahaha
like a warlord (12:55:35 PM): and, of course, rudy
Mr Powerbeef (12:56:18 PM): and of course Sam from lord of the rings
like a warlord (12:56:59 PM): Dagon: Now, Mr. Astin... of course, all goths...we all love the story of a chubby young man who couldn't play football very well, but he had such a tremendous heart that they let him play in the super bowl, or something. Your son Sean had that role. How do you feel about it?
like a warlord (12:57:22 PM): Astin: Well, it started his successful movie career. Im very happy he got the part.
Mr Powerbeef (12:57:50 PM): And what about Goonies?
Mr Powerbeef (12:58:06 PM): that was a good one too!
like a warlord (12:58:30 PM): Dagon: Yes, yes of course. You see, i think goths like myself really identify with a character like that, because we also failed at earthly athletic endeavors. Except, we have no heart at all, or if we do, its dead and black. Which is basically the same thing as Rudy.
like a warlord (12:58:41 PM): Astin: No, it's really not similar at all.
Mr Powerbeef (12:59:20 PM): hahahaha
like a warlord (12:59:40 PM): i bet thats how it would have gone.
Mr Powerbeef (1:00:02 PM): yeah
Mr Powerbeef (1:00:07 PM): seems likely
like a warlord (1:00:44 PM): Dagon: Let's move on.
like a warlord (1:00:51 PM): Astin: Yes, let's.
like a warlord (1:01:13 PM): Dagon: Ok, well, I'll ask the next question, but don't be so damn snippy.
like a warlord (1:01:19 PM): Astin: Excuse me?
Mr Powerbeef (1:01:24 PM): Astin:I'm getting paid for this right?
like a warlord (1:01:29 PM): Dagon: Yes, well. What's it like being a vampire?
like a warlord (1:01:40 PM): Astin: I'm not a vampire. This is-
like a warlord (1:01:49 PM): Dagon: But Gomez was.
like a warlord (1:02:06 PM): Astin: Actually, no, that's not true either. You see what-
like a warlord (1:02:37 PM): Dagon: But Poe was! So sort of, you identify with me.
like a warlord (1:02:49 PM): Astin: Edgar Allen Poe was certainly not a vampire.
like a warlord (1:03:09 PM): Dagon: Ha, Mr. Astin, you are a laugh riot.
Mr Powerbeef (1:03:37 PM): hahaha
like a warlord (1:03:39 PM): Dagon: Before we go on to the next set of questions, how old are you?
like a warlord (1:03:47 PM): Astin: I'm-
like a warlord (1:03:57 PM): Dagon: Because im over a thousand years old.
like a warlord (1:04:03 PM): AStin: This interview is over.
REVIEW
Yesterdays Post
1 Star ( Out 0f 5)
i didnt review anything! nothing. and look, i just used a zero as an "o." great. im a moron. this really lifts my spirits.
its been, like, weeks since i posted. theres no good reason for it, except that ive been out of town for virtually the whole time.
the bright side of the long wait is that, because i had so much time on my hands, i spent the whole time thinking about my blog.
seriously.
thinking about how everyone loves it, and how cool that makes me. and other stuff, too. eventually i decided that when i got home i would make a new post and watch back to the future, assuming that it was on tv when the time came. sure enough, here i am, back to the future is on, and im home. and im making a post.
i realize that none of this is very funny, so allow me to try out a new "riff" (thats what stand up comedians like me call jokes) that i came up with during a conversation with some dudes:
i dont think ill ever go to belmont and clark again. everyone down there is so pretentious and think theyre so much better than everyone else, when i know im better than them really should spend my time alone, to keep myself unadulturated.
ok, maybe its not the best thing in writing. imagine it spoken out loud, delivered perfectly. like, so well, that no matter how shitty it is, its still amazing. like that.
no review today.
well, iowa, im back. im back in iowa...thats you.
as you may imagine, i'm not happy being back in you. and no, thats not a sexual allusion, it has to do with how youre a fatass, boring state. i have class for the next few days here during thanksgiving week. this isnt an easy thing for me to do, but here goes...
truce.
i know, it sounds weird, me asking for a cease fire. but look, i have a ton more driving to do, and i dont even get to go home to see my friends. these next few days in iowa (you) cant suck, because if they do, then im in for a lot of suck. aside from family and food and God and yadda blah yadda.
so the deal is i stop ridiculing you and encouraging all your youthful inhabitants to leave, and you give me 3 days of nice weather and no homework. and maybe some free ice cream, but soft serve. im in a soft serve mood.
so, for the next three days, no funny shit, got me?
wait...
what the fuck, the buildings on fire! dammit, iowa, the deals off! go to hell!
REVIEW
Iowa
-1000 Stars (Out of 5)
damn you!
i was in minnesota! minnesota is different from the u.s. in several ways.
1.you're much more likely to forget you wanted to get a haircut and skip it when youre in minnesota.
2.the movies in minnesota are excellent. they watch both jay and silent bob strike back and back to the future 2.
3. the refirigerators in minnesota are adequate for keeping drinks cold
4. in minnesota it is legal for minors to drink alcohol, assumedly
5. in minnesota, when people have to go to the bathroom, theyre supposed to close the door.
6. in minnesota your eyes run on a 860x640 resolution. (thats better than in iowa)
7. fmv character intros look much better in minnesota because of the solid resolution.
REVIEW
Holiday Spice Pepsi
1 Star (Out of 5)
eeeewww, gross, it tastes like ass, or so i imagine! gross!
jamie doesnt drink!
thats right, babies. maybe you think its a little odd that someone as fucking awesome as me manages to avoid the temptation and still remain cool. the fact is that not drinking hurts my cool factor a lot. if i started drinking, i would be so unbelievably cool that....
whatever. the point is that i dont drink. not because its an agenda i have, but because....who knows why. its not even a conscious decision. maybe im just capable of resisting idiotic temptation better than retards like all of you morons. the fact is, i dont drink. basically. and as a result, i have never
raped anyone
sexually assaulted anyone
jumped off a cliff
poured wet jello shots on an innocent person
purchased a souvenier miniature baseball bat
been dizzy during a test
woken up in a pool of urine and vomit. outside.
despite that, we got a visitor to our room who wanted to convince me and my nondrinking roommate to promise not to rape any women. needless to say, we couldnt make that promise. so i ditched and went to iowa city, and matt hid at his girlfriends house.
oh, interesting side note, he raped her tonight.
REVIEW
Siracha Hot Sauce
5 Alarms (out of 5)
HAAA AAAHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH HOLY CRAP HAAAAAA AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
also
no one talked about my haircut. assholes.
im going to get a haircut! probably in minnesota. this is a perfect opprotunity to persuade all of you to comment on my blog, making me feel more popular, and at the same time, complete a blog post with minimal time and effort (again!)
the fact is that doing to blogs kinda sucks and is hard. anyway, the list of possible hair options awaits!
a. no haircut, my hair continues to grow out into a wavey football-helmet type thing.
b. cut the back and sides short and leave the front long so that i look really trendy and vaguely aloof.
c. cut all the hair pretty short, so that my sideburns visible (ill never forget ryan fox commenting on my "hamchops" senior year after i got my hair cut short) and i have short hair for the first time in 4 years.
d. trim it all to a sort of medium type thing.
e. faux-hawk/fashion hawk! the fashion hawk would require work to get it up every day, but the faux hawk might be a little too similar to an actual mohawk for my taste. i dont want people to think im a retard.
f. dye it some weird color. possibly black, purely so that justin will disown me.
REVIEW
paper clips
2 Stars (out of 5)
hhahahaha, if you stick them up your nose, you sneeze!!! hahahaha!
jamie for office!
thats right, im gonna be a politician. whats going to stop me? ugliness? because, im sorry, but i'm at least as good looking as newt gingrich or strom thurmond, and they were plenty successful. the fact is i know as much about politics as anyone else, im moderate in that i criticize both sides equally and choose my platform issue by issue, according to what i believe and not what my party is, and everyone loves my charm! im really charming. on a charm scale from larry flynt to joey buttofuoco, i'm somewhere around albert belle. look, its late. i have class at one pm, so i need my shut eye.
oh, also, i had a dream about detectives scruff and wiggles. i dont need to tell you that it was one of the best ive ever had.
REVIEW
One PM
4 Stars (out of 5)
its late! i can sleep in and still do my hw the day its due! then again, its really not as good as 2, is it?
"Excuse me, Mr. Morton, but your coffee has urine in it."
It sounded like the hooker was back, and it sounded like she knew just how Mr. Morton liked his coffee.
"Where am I?"
"Exactly where youve been for the last 6 weeks, Mr. Morton. my name is Mr. Shaw, and I need to ask you a few questions about the little accident we had this morning. The one with the blunt object."
"I have no idea what you're talking about." Mr. Morton began sucking in his mouth, collecting saliva. Preparing to show this filthy whore how he really felt about her.
"Dad, Jesus Christ, you killed a man! This is no time to play these fucking games!" There was another person in the room, aparently. Mr. Morton racked his impressive mind, but couldn't match a face to the strange voice. He concluded that this new person was someone he'd never met before. Unless...
"And also, as I said earlier, Mr. Morton, there's urine in your coffee. When you need to go, please use the bed pan. And if you have no other choice and have to use the mug, just call the nurse to get rid of it. For God's sake, don't keep drinking it."
The whore snatched the mug off the nightstand with her diseased claw of a hand. Mr. Morton saw his chance.
In a blur of action he slung his hand across his body and landed a direct hit. The fork settled into the whore's face, nestled neatly between her eyeboll and her orbital bone. She made a lot of noise, and the stranger on the other side of the room scrambled out the door in a terror. Suddenly Mr. Morton remembered all the spit in his mouth and attempted to lay one on the whore for good measure. The loogie just narrowly escaped his lips as he spat, landing on his own chin and oozing down his neck. He grunted.
REVIEW
Bill Clinton
4 Stars (Out of 5)
one hell of a mayor, huh? plus, he wrote atomic dog. er, i mean, the DOMA. or if he didnt write it, he passed it. or whatever. vetoed. something.
my birthday didnt go so hot, election-wise. but i still had a good time, i guess. i got 2 calls from people singing me versions of the birthday song, so even if i had forgotten that i wasnt a teenager anymore, i would have been able to figure out, because thats one phone call for every decade ive been alive.
now im listening to interpol, who i dont like....so ill turn that off. see, unlike the election, i have control over itunes. if it pisses me off, i can turn it off.
i should probably delete interpol, to. its only on there to make my roommate happy.
i guess i dont have anything really interesting to talk about. that seems to happen a lot now. it probably means i shouldn't be posting every day (or roughly everyday) if i cant back it up. thats whats wrong with me, i never back anything up. im basically a...damn, i cant even think of a proper racial slur. eh, whatever. thats what you get when you cant back anything up.
REVIEW
Plates
3 Stars (Out of 5)
plates with cake!
the election is later today, and you know what that means....
jamie turns twenty!
and what better birthday gift could i get than this dialogue on msnbc (remember, stephen baldwin is a born again christian hyperconservative):
ron reagan: ha, yes. but back to my
stephen baldwin: oh, hey, i've got some good news, buddy!
reagan: um, yes?
baldwin: i've been praying for you!
reagan: well, thank you very much. i
baldwin: and the Lord told me that youre going to receive some, some healing from your past! how great is that? i'm so happy for you!
reagan:...
this has been one WEEEEEEEIIIIIRD election year. all year, too. im so damn sick of politics and elections. i'm sick of both john kerry and the official candidate of the Lord. WHENS IT ALL GOING TO END????
...oh. tomorrow? ok, then.
...wait, but not really tomorrow, because no matter who wins the election results are going to be challenged and rechallenged for years and years?!?!?
thank god for college football
REVIEW
George Bush
1 Star (Out of 5)
look, i don't dislike the dude, as weird as that sounds. hes a likable guy, he knows what he believes, all that crap. thing is there are a couple key things he stands for that mean i won't (didn't, more accurately) vote for him:
a. marrying christianity and the government
b. spend-and-spend (as opposed to tax-and-spend) modern republican financial policy
c. in bed with corporate interests (no bid contracts, anyone?)
d. ann coulter, sean hannity and michael savage are voting for him
