jamie doesnt drink!

thats right, babies. maybe you think its a little odd that someone as fucking awesome as me manages to avoid the temptation and still remain cool. the fact is that not drinking hurts my cool factor a lot. if i started drinking, i would be so unbelievably cool that....


whatever. the point is that i dont drink. not because its an agenda i have, but because....who knows why. its not even a conscious decision. maybe im just capable of resisting idiotic temptation better than retards like all of you morons. the fact is, i dont drink. basically. and as a result, i have never

raped anyone
sexually assaulted anyone
jumped off a cliff
poured wet jello shots on an innocent person
purchased a souvenier miniature baseball bat
been dizzy during a test
woken up in a pool of urine and vomit. outside.

despite that, we got a visitor to our room who wanted to convince me and my nondrinking roommate to promise not to rape any women. needless to say, we couldnt make that promise. so i ditched and went to iowa city, and matt hid at his girlfriends house.

oh, interesting side note, he raped her tonight.

REVIEW
Siracha Hot Sauce
5 Alarms (out of 5)

HAAA AAAHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH HOLY CRAP HAAAAAA AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

also

no one talked about my haircut. assholes.