well, i tell you what. this is the font they call small or so they say when they tell me so. thats what they tell me.
 
the desk i utilize at work doesnt belong to me. it belongs to one "CAROLYNWASHINGTON" according to the name plate on it. ms. CAROLYNWASHINGTON aparently has a great sense of humor. among the items taped to her monitor:
 
1. a pin that says "get a life!" in order to really apreciate the pin, you have to imagine the drawing of an angry little guy yelling on it. i assume it was designed by a bunch of retarded elementary school kids or something. you know, for charity. like, a retard charity.
 
2. a tiny card that says "you are special." but get this, "you are" has been crossed out....and "i am" has been written in! ho ho! move over, george lopez! graffiti!
 
3. a pin that says "DON'T START." so i wont.
 
4. a pin that says "Sarcasm is just one service i offer." i wonder what she charges, because in todays economy sevice industries are doing very well. my provider has been dropping its prices, but the quality has gone down ("fine, DON'T apreciate our competitive prices!") and i'd be interested in trying someone know, perhaps CAROLYNWASHINGTON. also, this pin is too vague to work as proper advertising. what else does she offer? snide remarks? snarky quips? faceitious badgering? who the fuck knows?
 
5. a weird little card/post it thing. this one is the real knee slapper in the bunch. "May the God of hope fill you with al joy and peace as you trust in him..." good gosh, what a wiseacre she is! "God of hope?" hahahaha. oh man, this stuff is out there.
 
REVIEW
Inpropriety
2 Stars (out of 5)
 
don't let anyone see it! thats the first rule of stealing! i mean, if youre gonna be a crook, jesus, don't do it from a public tax shelter!

holy fug. i dont want to alarm anyone, but blogger just upgraded, or something, and now its way better. i can change font colors! and do this!
 
...
 
ok, my connection here at home is too slow to post pictures. but i could if i want to. which leads me to this!
 
jamie's guide to masturbation!
 
RULE #1:
 
do it a lot. like, every waking moment. (or every WANKING moment! HAHAHAHAHA)
 
RULE #2:
 
practice your technique at every opprotunity. people will laugh as you vigorously rub a water bottle, but it's probably a coincidence and has nothing to do with your behavior.
 
RULE #3
 
if youre a girl, let your guy friends watch. they wont enjoy it at all....its not like they make porn like that....but you should let them watch anyway, because....it.....um......reduces the risk of prostate cancer.
 
RULE #4
 
If youre a guy, put the dog fancy magazines back in the normal magazine rack instead of stashing them with your porn.
 
there you go! this was really stupid, so i dont think ill be doing another guide anytime soon. if you have any questions or comments, please call Jamie Ferguson at
 
1-(847)-502-7241
 
REVIEW
Fun
4 Stars (Out of 5)
 
its really awesome, until somebody gets hurt. or until Stinky ButtCloud arrives, because then it gets...you know....less fun.

if blogger would let me post images id post this cute picture i drew of a fox. its very cartoony, it would make you smile.
 
anyway.
 
whats up, world (by world i mean the 4 or 5 people that will ever read this)? read any good books lately? i sure havent. by which i dont mean that ive only read bad books, i mean i havent read any books. at all. because for the most part they suck, and i feel im much better off playing videogames or working for 9 hours a day. yes, i count my lunch break as work, regardless of what my pay structure says. and yes, i am an english major. and yes, books still suck. and yes, thats even though im an english major. and yes, it is odd that an english major hates books. and yes, i still hate books. and yes, im still an english major. and yes, yes.
 
matt rowan has copped out like a puss and jon mau-ed his way onto the internet, i.e. he used a freewebs template and did no real work. its disgusting. the only thing stupider is that he decided to fill it with "original content" (his current buzzword) and not just post old stuff he had lying around, like certain web-wizards (me) did. oh, and to ice his shit-cake, he stole my idea from "The Reformers" and posted fake quotes from the media on his site. that bastard. and guess what? aside from stealing my ideas, he quotes jon "fuckin" mau, but not me! so here you go, asshole, free of charge.
 
"I'm going to break your teeth with a hammer, you fucking fraud."
-Jamie Ferguson, Future of the Internet
 
there. oh, and he aparently "forgot" to obey the cardinal rule of the internet, and neglected to post a single image of a canadian lynx.
 
furthermore, shaq is on the miami heat! the worlds turning upside down! i feel especially bad for the first old cuban man who gets crushed to death under a custom hummer with the superman logo painted on the hood.
 
p.s. that fox picture i drew....i should have mentioned that the fox is giving head to an armodillo. its hottt.
 
 
REVIEW
iPod
5 Stars (out of 5)
 
ho ho ho! ho ho ho! ho ho ho! ho ho ho! ho ho ho! christmas came early this year! it came 1.....2...... 5 times! and i apreciated it very much. now i can play r kelly ALL DAY LONG, while you fuckers are struggling with cds, severing fingers and such trying to get it into that little slot in your dash. eat my shit, america!