reasons to hate the cubs:

stupid fans

asshole fans

mainstream (pucah shell necklace, hair gel, crew socks), conservative-ish moron fans

they have that retarded, cutesy "all american" image that makes me hella pissed

as a sox fan, its totally ok to resent the lopsided coverage of the teams. and if you dont think the cubs get 70% of the media attention, listen to sports talk radio 8 hours a day for 2 weeks like i have.

REVIEW
The David Wells Trade from 2001
5 Stars (Out of 5)

Everyone lists this as a reason why kenny williams sucks (by everyone i mean jay mariotti and other sports talk pundits). the fact is, we got 112 solid innings out of wells, and all we gave up was mike sirotka (never pitched an inning for the blue jays and is out of baseball) kevin byrne (pitched extremely poorly for very few innings for the jays and is out of baseball) and brian simmons (released by the jays, then WE resigned him....and then released him again). so shut up! we got wells for nothing, so it cant have been a tragic deal. shut up and go to heck, assfuckers.

Current mood: bouncy
Current music: Sugarcult - Hate Every Beautiful Day

More good news from the [Suddenly Zombie] front
I'VE FOUND SOMEONE TO [MYSELF]!!

Some people may be surprised at how happy I am to get this role filled, but I really am. [Me] plays a very crucial part in the story, and finding someone who would be able to play this part wasn't an easy task. For me, this has been the most important casting decision thus far because as far as the other roles are concerned, I pretty much had who I wanted pegged from the start. A lot of these roles were written specifically for the actors I knew would be playing them. [Me] wasn't.

But the good news is the role has been cast. I showed [Myself] the script, and [I] wants the part, so it's [mine]'s. And frankly, when I think about it, I'm not sure who would be a better fit for the role. I just finished talking to [God], and [he] agrees that [me] is perfect for the role.

The only role that's left is [Luther Vandross]. [He]'s only in two scenes though, so it's not a very crucial role. I'm talking to someone right now about possibly playing the part, but I'm basically leaving the casting of that role up to [Fate]. Since both of [Luther Vandross]'s scenes are with [the corpse], that means [Fate] will have to work with someone [it] has good chemistry with. So [it]'s the most qualified for choosing the actress to play [Luther Vandross].

Oh, and I realized that I haven't posted links to the rest of the script.

Act One (for those who missed it before - here it is again)
Act Two
Act Three

It's all coming together, folks.










oh, also, we started fuckin filming. and its fuckin fanfuckintastic (fuck). most of its seeming pretty sweet. and let me tell you, the theme song we're writing is....like.....i dont know, something mindblowing, like riding a water slide on ecstacy. and the dvd! with the menu and extras and directors commentary (aparently the program has no way of telling im an inexperienced moron with no right to comment on my work). seriously, who will be able to touch this? God? because yesterday God told me while we were on our way to see Mean Girls that not even HE could touch the greatness of Suddenly Z.

REVIEW
Skim Milk
0 Stars (out of 5)

i took 1% milk and made it half water. matt rowan drinks skim milk religiously, so i asked him to drink it. he DRANK IT ALL, and i quote:

"I told you, I LIKE skim milk. Are you just making sure, or something?"

hey brosephine, lemme tell ya about the workin world.

sometimes you get a job in a sooty basement. if youre lucky, the basement will have no windows, and although your boss is nice, your horrible job (i dont know....organizing hundreds of stuffed file cabinets in a crowded room for 8 hours a day, or something like that) is so awful that every afternoon its all you can do not to flip out, kick over a file cabinet and kill yourself with a wheeled office chair (by beating your head with it or soemthing. it seems pretty heavy....). now i know what elvis costello meant when he said,

welcome to the workin week
oh i know it dont thrill you
i hope it dont kill you
welcome to the workin weeeek
you gotta do it till you do it, organize folders in stuffed file cabinets until you better get into it

the man knew the workin world sucked. and he won a grammy. or if he didnt, he has cool glasses. so you know hes smart and honest.

REVIEW
Van Helsing
2 Stars (Out of 5)

as a movie this piece of shit gets like negative a fuckin billion stars. the plot...holy crap. id explain it, but it takes a while, and im not the patient type. ask me about it when you see me in person. it gets 2 stars, however, because (and trust me on this) a fuckin giant werewolf battling a dracula-bat monster to the death is pretty damn sweet.

i wanna finish suddenly zombie. although, i admit, it really depresses me to think about no one liking it. also, its fun to think of movie ideas with you, matt rowan, but you have to realize that dreams are pointless. as middle class white americans with no future in athletics and only mediocre looks, we will never be able to do anything worthwhile. this goes for the rest of you whiteys out there. give up. whatever you do, dont expect to be happy.

so, yeah, suddenly zombie.

gotta get that stuff done. oh, also, ive added a love interest for jon. at first they dont get along, because she thinks hes a loose cannon who wont stick to procedure. eventually he softens her up and they fall in love.

REVIEW
Bastards
4 Stars (Out of 5)

they have no sense of morality or decency, and are eager to act like dicks just for the sake of acting like dicks. i think a salute to these shit heads is long over due, so i gave them a 4 star rating. the salute is up to the rest of you morons. hop to it!

everything seemed great. puddle of mudd's new album was being ignored, linkin park's singles from its last effort were fading from the airwaves. then today i decide to listen to fm radio, and i find out just how bad things really are.

first of all, i dont know if its a good thing or a bad thing when ive never heard 8 of the 9 songs on the q101 top nine at nine.

number 9 was the new new found glory song, with all the screaming and stuff. its like their label sat them down and said, "ok, look, guys, heres the scoop. pop punk is fading, im not going to lie. so we got you a note book and a tv with mtv2. study up on what you see and then get to work on the new album!" the guys focused really hard, and eventually had to decide between making a lil' john knock off or melding their sound with taking back sunday, fallout boy and the used. they flipped a coin, and unfortunately for everyone who apreciates good humor, they chose the latter.

7 or so was the new velvet revolver song. it wasn't as good as their first, and used the same kooky riff throughout the entire track.

the rest of the order was filled with the dissapointing new beastie boys track, a bunch of crap from horrible nu nu metal groups like 3 days grace, and a slipknot song. the slipknot song was interesting, because it combined a 70's classic rock chorus with absolute droning, knocking shit to create a sound that...uh....that i couldn't quite bring myself to stand.

later i listened to 94.7 the zone, which has gone from "the station that plays even more jimmy eat world than the competition!" to "the station that tries to fill six hours of programming with nothing but guns n' roses rip offs!" the premiere gnr rip off was a new gnr song, which featured axl rose singing at the bottom of his register, sounding like a retarded emcee at a retirement home. the riff seemed to be lifted straight out of "appetite for destruction."

capping the night was a new single from smile empty soul. you may remember them as the group that decided to combine the proud genres of "post-korn nu metal" and "soulless nirvana rip off" and create horrible music that high-school aged morons can enjoy (because they've been ignored by the music industry for SO long). I hadn't heard their masterpiece "I do it for the druuuu-uuugs!" (or whatever its called) for a few months, and thought i could finally trust humanity again. then, out of no where, BAM! a song that includes the lyrics, "when i have kids/ i wont put chains on their wrists/ ill tell them you can do anything/ if you can only dream it." hooray. now all i need is to hear evanessence cover a poison song, and i can kill myself without worrying that i hadn't seen the worst the world has to offer.

REVIEW
The Cello Guy By My Desk Made Out of Bolts
4 Stars (Out of 5)

wow, is he seriously made out of bolts and stuff? awesome! some guy must have spent a lot of time with a torch to melt this crap together. why did i buy this again? oh, because it was 1995, and i played cello at that point. i guess ill have to pick it up again, so that this stupid sharp edged paper weight can regain some relevance.