everything seemed great. puddle of mudd's new album was being ignored, linkin park's singles from its last effort were fading from the airwaves. then today i decide to listen to fm radio, and i find out just how bad things really are.

first of all, i dont know if its a good thing or a bad thing when ive never heard 8 of the 9 songs on the q101 top nine at nine.

number 9 was the new new found glory song, with all the screaming and stuff. its like their label sat them down and said, "ok, look, guys, heres the scoop. pop punk is fading, im not going to lie. so we got you a note book and a tv with mtv2. study up on what you see and then get to work on the new album!" the guys focused really hard, and eventually had to decide between making a lil' john knock off or melding their sound with taking back sunday, fallout boy and the used. they flipped a coin, and unfortunately for everyone who apreciates good humor, they chose the latter.

7 or so was the new velvet revolver song. it wasn't as good as their first, and used the same kooky riff throughout the entire track.

the rest of the order was filled with the dissapointing new beastie boys track, a bunch of crap from horrible nu nu metal groups like 3 days grace, and a slipknot song. the slipknot song was interesting, because it combined a 70's classic rock chorus with absolute droning, knocking shit to create a sound that...uh....that i couldn't quite bring myself to stand.

later i listened to 94.7 the zone, which has gone from "the station that plays even more jimmy eat world than the competition!" to "the station that tries to fill six hours of programming with nothing but guns n' roses rip offs!" the premiere gnr rip off was a new gnr song, which featured axl rose singing at the bottom of his register, sounding like a retarded emcee at a retirement home. the riff seemed to be lifted straight out of "appetite for destruction."

capping the night was a new single from smile empty soul. you may remember them as the group that decided to combine the proud genres of "post-korn nu metal" and "soulless nirvana rip off" and create horrible music that high-school aged morons can enjoy (because they've been ignored by the music industry for SO long). I hadn't heard their masterpiece "I do it for the druuuu-uuugs!" (or whatever its called) for a few months, and thought i could finally trust humanity again. then, out of no where, BAM! a song that includes the lyrics, "when i have kids/ i wont put chains on their wrists/ ill tell them you can do anything/ if you can only dream it." hooray. now all i need is to hear evanessence cover a poison song, and i can kill myself without worrying that i hadn't seen the worst the world has to offer.

REVIEW
The Cello Guy By My Desk Made Out of Bolts
4 Stars (Out of 5)

wow, is he seriously made out of bolts and stuff? awesome! some guy must have spent a lot of time with a torch to melt this crap together. why did i buy this again? oh, because it was 1995, and i played cello at that point. i guess ill have to pick it up again, so that this stupid sharp edged paper weight can regain some relevance.