here, kathleen parker on townhall:
"I'm referring to the truest conservative governing principle - that you don't only give a man a fish, which feeds him just today and fosters dependency. You give him a fishing pole and teach him to fish so that he can feed himself for a lifetime."

well, take out the "teach him to fish" part, and the "give him a fishing pole" part, then you're a little closer.

"you don't only give a man a fish, which feeds him just today and fosters dependency. he can feed himself for a lifetime."

if you really want to nail down the conservative platform, throw in a few sentences about the importance of supporting your wealthy constituency, mandating christianity and having contempt for the environment, and you cover...say, 40% of the right wing outlook.

sorry i'm so anti conservative today. i was just reading townhall and it left me pissed off.

REVIEW
townhall.com
2 Stars (Out of 5)

some of the columnists are awesome, like nick lowry who responds to my emails. some of them are batshit nuts and evil, like david limbaugh.

Raise your hand if you recently purchased milk!

...

no, don't raise your hand, you didn't buy milk. i'm not stupid. see, i didn't buy milk either. i STOLE it. its easy. heres professor wheresmine's easy many-step guide to stealing.

1. slide along the wall into the vicinity of the area of the region of the spot you'll be stealing from. make sure you don't attract suspicion by walking upright, lifting your feet off the floor or looking anyone in the eye. try to speak constantly to yourself in a hushed whisper, too, to appear casual. just make sure you're not talking about stealing!

2. walk up to the machine you're going to steal from, whether it be the soda fountain, the hot water thing, the hot chocolate thing or my personal favorite, the milk machine. (if you're not stealing drinks from a cafeteria then i can't help you. when you're ready to graduate from stealing piddling crap like tvs and want to pilfer milk like the big boys, let me know.)

3. pour your drink into a sealable container and loudly declare, "now to go sit down and drink this here in the cafeteria dining area!" that way people around will just nod, convinced that you have no intent to steal.

4. sprint out like a mad man. if you drop anything, don't go back for it, keep running. that harry potter backpack will just slow you down, and in the world of stealing it's every object for himself.

and there you have it! steal to your heart's content, you have my blessing. well, not really. but it's not like you care.

REVIEW
katamari damacy
5 stars (out of 5)

its crazy and japanese, but DAMN if it isnt a delight to listen to!

WHOA! fuckin blog. i'm back in iowa, and that means ive got nothing to do. which means

enjoy this blog post.

i think in order to apreciate this post you need to realize im listening to the first "these arms are snakes" ep. its bad ass and it makes me feel like every word im writing is being shouted with blinding intensity.

is that interesting? whatever. give me a week and ill be back in the swing of things and you'll be hanging on my every word again.

REVIEW
BUTTS!
5 Stars (out of 5)

they LOVE to POOP!