at times like this, i remember what sheryl crow once sang:

"every road is a winding road, dadadadada further!"

anyways. i hope a lot of people read this! im gonna explain something to you, so gather round. and stop talking, i really want you to listen.

a long time ago it was the very beginning of this summer. things were great for our hero jamie. he had a girlfriend, he had plans to further the thriving satirical news outlet that he was the sole proprieter to. he had a rad ford taurus that once outran a police lamborghini. and he had a red shirt that said, "lake county cyclists" on it. thats the important part, the shirt.
for you see, that shirt...well, the shirt wasn't actually that important, but it does fit him pretty well.
the real important thing is that stuff when wrong with all that stuff. sure it was great, while it was great, but it sucked once it wasn't great anymore. even the taurus lost a step and was recently intercepted by a police chevy corsica. oh, and a cat peed on the shirt.
so jamie took action to ensure he had the greatest summer of all time. afterall, he needed it. he had just ended an extremely awful first year of college and needed to perk himself up, to sort of recharge for another year of ratherly hellious torturement. so he took matters into his own hands and
...got
...a
...jon.
or, rather, got a job. he already had a jon, named jon montero.
back to the point, he got a job. he needed money, it seemed, as he had very little. literally, he had figuratively nothing. so he got a job at his mommies work where they trade free donuts and kind words and 7.50 an hour in exchange for forcing you to fight sleep at a desk for 9 hours a day.
really, the 9 hours wasn't so bad for jamie. the real problem was the whole "having to leave for work at 7:30AM" thing. it meant he had to wake up early, which mean he had to go to bed early, which meant he couldn't have any fun over the summer. seriously, like, none. he speant every night sitting in someones house or a coffee shop or some other retarded place filled with retards, watching family guy or whatever until it was time to go to bed. he did this because there simply WASNT TIME TO DO ANYTHING ELSE!
as an end result he ended up hanging out with the same 6 or 7 people every damn night, people who also had jobs. people like

THE MYSTERIOUS STEAKUM, AKA amit khatri. his unbelievable shrinking ability allows him to shy away from even the smallest ounce of responsibility. fast cars, fast money, and fast women, and fast men- they're all his, regardless of his actions.

JON-MAN, AKA jon mau. famed taller half of the jon-man and yev guy crimefighting duo. not only is he vaguely tall, he's taller than half of a crimefighting duo that shall remain nameless.

THE J TRAIN, AKA justin nolan. capable of whew whewing into just about any woman's (or man's) heart, the j train's expert seduction skills once made him an up-and-coming con artist before he made the transition to dissapointing con artist.

CAPTAIN FAT, AKA matt rowan. an evil villian of the most monstrous sort, this blob of consists of 100% fat and 100% ego. once killed a man simply because he wasn't him.

THE ASTOUNDING PEACH BAG, AKA harshil patel. what can i say? ever seen what the man can do with a peach? haha, what am i saying, of course you have.

THE SUBURBAN NIGHTMARE, AKA Gaylord Assleak. hes normal, hes average, and hes white: he's the nations favorite hero, or something. whatever, the suburbs are boring and he's just so...you know, american.

anyway, so he speant all his time with them. the same group of people. and it made him mad, because he secretly hates all of them, for they are bastards of the highest order.
so thats why its important that people read this, so they can know the truth. the truth being that this blog, and myspace, and the wj, are all around purely to win jamie fame and popularity, so he can leave these retarded, ugly, loyal friends behind. because before he started hanging out with them ALL THE TIME, he had a girlfriend...

(song lyrics copyright sheryl pigeonstein, 1999 or somewhere around there)

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just so you know, this post is an example of epicness. its long, yeah, but look how many WORDS it has!