matt, jim:

“I hope they never come back,” said President Bush. “The disrespected AlLeiter, and he’s a baseball player.”

is that at all familiar to y'all?

REVIEW
Another Short-ass Post
1 Star (Out of 5)

i know, i know, it's really lame. but im just sitting at a computer waiting for my advisor to come out of a meeting, anyway, so it's not like this was intended to be anything big. so cool out.

i am tired.

review
this post
4 stars (out of 5)

well, i dont think its boring. i think its CONCISE.

i used to do this all the time. now its back, because i'm lazy:

like a warlord (12:18:22 PM): today
like a warlord (12:18:28 PM): there was a joke just laying out there
like a warlord (12:18:34 PM): and i knocked it the FUCK out of the park
like a warlord (12:18:35 PM): in class
like a warlord (12:18:41 PM): it was so easy
BClinton42 (12:18:49 PM): yeah?
BClinton42 (12:18:51 PM): what happened?
like a warlord (12:18:53 PM): that i had a very hard time not smiling as i was getting my running start
like a warlord (12:19:19 PM): we're talking about how being a celebrity is a cage because you need to act how people expect you to
like a warlord (12:19:23 PM): and this girl liz was like
like a warlord (12:19:51 PM): i think its about how everyone, not only celebrities, has a role they have to play and live up to and it confines them and limits them
like a warlord (12:20:02 PM): and i was like well
like a warlord (12:20:06 PM): i was thinking the same thing
like a warlord (12:20:15 PM): its so hard to be
like a warlord (12:20:16 PM): for instance
like a warlord (12:20:29 PM): the good looking, smart guy that everyone likes
like a warlord (12:20:41 PM): these shackles that confine me
BClinton42 (12:20:46 PM): hahahahahaa
like a warlord (12:20:53 PM): and later
like a warlord (12:21:08 PM): when we were talking about the guys hard lifestyle and how people expect it from him
like a warlord (12:21:09 PM): i was like
like a warlord (12:21:19 PM): well, its a lot like when people come up to you
like a warlord (12:21:35 PM): and expect you to flex and have your muscles tear you shirt off, when it doesnt work like that
like a warlord (12:21:39 PM): you have to be in the right MOOD
BClinton42 (12:21:51 PM): hahahahhahahahahaha
BClinton42 (12:22:06 PM): nice

also, i don't think anyone really checks this thing anymore, judging by the total lack of response to my last post. i guess its over...but that's not going to stop me, because i'm enamored of the idea of having a blog be used regularly for an entire year. and i have, like, 3 days left until that point. so THAT will keep me going, instead of my desire to please you fairweather dumbasses.

REVIEW
Stanford Haley, Hawaii QB
4 Stars (Out of 5)

he's really good but hes neither a pocket qb nor a runner. so how the fuck do you use him? basically the dudes worhtless. screw him.

it gets harder and harder to remember to update this derelict piece of crap as it drifts off into oblivion. i just cant bring myself to put the ol girl out of her misery, though, so still she stumbles on. in order to make things less akward i've decided to put forth a few plans to keep the original wheresmine up and running for the immediate future. plan number one is to make this the sort of political wing of the wheresmine super franchise. most posts will go as follows, branching out from a link, and i think it just might work, by golly.

What's sex got to do with science? Don't ask!

i figured it was a good idea to start with this column because its a good example of the right's main tactic these days, effectively arguing that black is white. now, i'd like to think that they do this as a loving tribute to 1984, but i'm prepared to accept the fact that they may be serious. heres his point (well, the point he made in his opening paragraph, anyway. i think its ok that i try to refute it, though, because the second paragraph doesn't begin with "all kidding aside, folks..."), in a nutshell:

those stupid liberal feminists! they say that women are as good as men but then they allow themselves to be insulted when someone says the truth, that they aren't as good as men. this insults us conservatives, because we love women and the left just perpetuates the idea that women are weak, emotional whiners. that's liberal weak, emotional whiners for you!

so basically he says, hey, look, liberal women are emotionally weak and fragile, and thats a bad stereotype thats not true. stupid femenists, being stuck in the past, following tradional stereotypes for women! he switches everything up to have people think, yeah, liberal femenists are backwards dinosaurs stuck in the old ways! their conservative ways disgust me, those liberal bastards! this is similar to the whole those-damn-liberals-hate-the-minorities-and-fought-against-civil-rights thing. the right just rewrites history and denies the facts and GOD DAMN I TRY TO BE CIVIL BUT THOSE DICKS KEEP PISSING ME OFF!!!

Review
The Critic
5 Stars (Out of 5)

well, most people seem not to be TOO fond of the show, but im a huge fan. come on, el kabong! how sweet is that? or what about orson wells? "rosebud fishticks! theyre delicious!....oooh, theyre even better when theyre raaaaaaaaaaaaaw."

you're all back at school, aren't you, you bastards?

that's what i thought.

everyone's back inside the hell i've lived with for two weeks, except odds are you don't hate your school and have reason to be excited about going back. there are a number of reasons why


AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!

fuckfuckfuckfuckuckfuckfuckfdufkcuckfuckufkcufkicukfcufkcufkfuck FUCK. theres stuff all over my pants! its yellowish and i think its food. wait....it's carolina pulled pork barbecue sauce. i can almost guarentee it. at least this way, if i ever have to eat my pants, they'll taste better than they would have otherwise. pork is good.

REVIEW
www.weeklyjohnson.com
5 Stars (Out of 5)

yelp. i have to work on it tomorrow, despite the fact that my procrastination has also piled up a lot of work for me to do tomorrow. i really shouldn't be writing this, i promised myself i'd start my homework two hours ago. lates, brosephs and brosephinas.

just thought id let you all know:

last week i said anita o'day was good looking. turns out i saw the only hour of footage ever taken of her where she was good looking. in actuality she's homelily ugly, in an uglily homely way.

REVIEW
Wilco
4 Stars (out of 5)

i listened to them a ton during the extended great portion of my life, and i continue to do so now. i give them 4 stars mostly for the kickass memories theyre associated with, not for how good the music is (just like how i am with reel big fish). but the musics good too! so they have that going for them. jon, please enjoy putting this on the wj site.

"Belle finished with 381 home runs and 1,239 RBIs in a 12-year career, numbers that are much higher than the 207 homers and 1,085 home runs Puckett produced in a similar 12-year career that was cut short by glaucoma."

thats from today's tribune. most impressive, i think, are puckett's record 1,085 homeruns, surpassing hank aaron's total, once considered untouchable, by nearly 40%. people talk about how dominant barry bonds is, but how about puckett averaging more than 90 home runs a year over 10 seasons? when he broke roger maris' record of 61 by 30 hoimers, 50% higher than maris' tally, people were dumbfounded. not even bond's 74 roundtrippers a few years ago came close to pucketts record. kirby is clearly the most dominant player at any position in any sport at any time. its a shame i'd never heard about his greatness until i read this dave van dyck article today. i mean, wow.

REVIEW
billie holliday
2 stars (out of 5)

she has a sad story, but she seemed to be a pretty unpleasent, irresponsible heroin addict, even as heroin addicts go. at any rate, ella fitzgerald and anita o'day were way better looking and had much much much better voices. chew on that while i eat this nutter butter.

for class today i walked down a sidewalk covered in ice, falling all over the place, down hill for 3/4ths of a mile to go to class. at my professors house. where i subsequently had to sit onthe floor and listen to big band jazz for 4 hours. needless to say, i fell asleep. i dreamt that i was driving a car, listening to big band music. all of a sudden the truck in front of me stops at a stop sign, and

I DONT NOTICE UNTIL ITS TOO LATE!

so im about to hit this truck when i slam on the breaks and scream....and wake up, slamming my foot and screaming from my position on the floor. a lot of people stared, and i think someone MAY have laughed. anyway, i hate this class.

REVIEW
Jazz
3 Stars (Out of 5 dooobop ditty bop)

old fashioned benny goodman and satchmo. ella fitzgerald has a great voice. muted trumpets should shut up.

im back at hell. that is to say, im back IN hell. that is to say

school is starting tomorrow morning.


im not gonna stay here very long. im goin to see people that are good at heart and pure of mind again. also, i know i say this all the time, but im sorry that this post is short and just a complaint and not funny. make no mistake, i live to impress and entertain you, but i have to call my mom and tell her i made it home. that is to say, i made it back to hell. that is to say, im back IN hell. that is to say...


REVIEW
Pens
2 Stars (Out of 5)

pro: cool, come in different colors, stab. con: cover jamie with ink, mock his shirt.